Dear Readers:
A good male friend of mine just wrote me an email asking why women discriminate dating men who just got separated and or divorced and I wrote him the some of the following.
It is true that there is a stereotype about recently separated and divorced men. I was inundated with that information and warnings last year. But I shared a similar attitude like you – those are only stereotypes and who cares – what really matters is the relationship between two loving adults. RIGHT?
Well, unfortunately, I got not only burned but emotionally, physically, and mentally ravaged and violated to the highest degree dating someone who just recently was divorced and was going through those cycles. Since I loved him, I gladly tried to help him through the cycles and instead I developed hatred for the ex wife and he absorbed my positive energy. He was complimented for his new youthfulness (IT WAS MINE) and I was hurting with pain and undergoing through unnecessary painful medical examinations and anguish. Now he has moved on and I am slowly getting back to my old self – but more experienced due to pain and anguish.
Should I have listened to the warnings just like many women do when they learn that the guy was just recently RE-introduced to the dating market due to divorce? I had so many older people forewarning me to STAY AWAY but I did not.
I took a risk with my heart and I am paying a dear price for taking the risk and for having to reconstruct myself to a semblance of my old – pre GW self.
What if I never took the risk? Would I have learned how to love? Why live in fear?
Remember that others who might have taken the risk I took warned others after their downfall and this is how the stereotype was perpuated!
I want it to heal, accelerate it and I don’t think I will ever get the closure I need - remember if you do dump someone, please do it in person and give them time for them to speak out, support them by listening to them and hugging them and let go.
Is the pain I underwent the reward of loving someone who was just wounded in his marriage and I took care her of him, loving him to the most I can, nursed him when he was sick, helped him with his Ebay sales, babysat his child, dogsit his little puppy, etc. I was just discarded so easily. I was what everyone else told me I was – THE REBOUND!.
So just remember my dear that people are just trying to protect themselves.
It be nice to get married and have kids but to be honest, I have given up on that concept for now. I think it is less painful to think it does not exist than to think it was removed from our feets all of a sudden.
Hugs
L
